The heart of her husband trusts in her confidently and relies on and believes in her securely, so that he has no lack of [honest] gain or need of [dishonest] spoil. (AMP)
The word used in verse ten that is translated to capable, intelligent and virtuous is the same word used to describe the character of good judges in Exodus 18:21. Though women are, on the whole, weaker than men they are described as being just as strong spiritually. Wisdom, grace and a fear of the Lord make them strong. Verse eleven then goes on to expound a little further on how a virtuous woman behaves. Remember that being married does not make you a virtuous woman. You are one before you get married and even if you never marry. I am writing in the context of being married but these qualities should be in all woman, married or not.
How can the heart of our husband’s trust in us confidently, rely on us and believe in us securely? When the attitude of our heart is to serve him and to be his help meet. 1 Corinthians 7:34 says the heart of a married woman is to please her husband and when we submit as required of us in Ephesians 5:22 and Colossians 3:18 then we do not become a doormat but seek to adapt ourselves to him.
Confident trust comes when, over time, we prove ourselves to be trustworthy and we act with integrity. Integrity is to adhere to a very high moral standard and to act with complete honesty.
Just a quick side note on being completely honest. This is not harshness or brutality and definitely does not mean that every thought that comes into our heads is spoken out! Consider Ecclesiastes 3:7b …a time to keep silence and a time to speak and Romans 15:2 Let each one of us make it a practice to please (make happy) his neighbour for his good and for his true welfare, to edify him [to strengthen him and build him up spiritually].
If we tell our husband we are going to do something we are to make sure that we do it. There is nothing worse than asking someone to do something or having someone promise to do something and before their sentence is complete knowing that it will never get done. Do not be that type of woman.
Who runs the finances in your home? If it is your husband can he trust you to stay in budget? Do you do the grocery shopping with care, looking out for where you can make your money go further? Do you care for your families clothes so that they last longer? How does your husband feel about bringing friends and work colleagues home? Is he proud of you and his home or would he rather meet them alone in a restaurant? I am not saying your home should look like it could be featured in a magazine but is it clean, neat and comfortable?
It is an incredible feeling for a man when he knows that he can rely on his wife. There have been times where my husband has been at a school or volunteer meeting that I have not been at as well. The issue of who will help or bake or cook or sew has come up and with great pride my husband has signed me up. He will come home so proud of himself that he could show me off to everyone and sign me up because he knows he can rely on me. For some this might seem insulting that he is signing me up without asking first. It is in fact not insulting. He is boasting. He is also very aware of my skills and my heart and loves to confidently be able to speak on my behalf.
When a husband can trust confidently in, rely on and believe securely in his wife he feels safe. He knows that his wife will always be there for him and that she will stand by and support him. He knows that he can trust her with any part of his life whether it be physical or his heart. His wife is a safe place and one that he loves to return to over and over again. It also becomes a lot more difficult for him to be drawn away and ensnared by another woman.
In Ezekiel 16:30 we read of the weakness of whorish women. Now this is not just talking about prostitutes or women who sleep around but about the attitude of our hearts. A whorish woman is one who has an unfaithful heart, one who gives her heart to all sorts of things and not just to her husband and to the Lord. If we make idols of things in our lives then our hearts are not faithful to our husbands and to God. We can make idols of all sorts of things such as our children, our careers, our “me time”, our hobbies. If anything in life comes first before God and your husband then it is an idol and your heart is not faithful.
And I find more bitter than death
The woman whose heart is snares and nets,
Whose hands are fetters.
He who pleases God shall escape from her,
But the sinner shall be trapped by her. (NKJV)
Solomon puts it so clearly for us in Ecclesiastes. A woman whose heart is impure and unfaithful is a trap to any man and more bitter than death. We seriously need to consider what is in our hearts towards our husbands, our families and our lives. Are our hearts full of snares and nets and does what we turn our hands to cause our families to live in bondage, prisoner to our needs and our moods?
Inbuilt in all men is the desire to conquer, to hit things, blow stuff up, to provide and to protect. They need to be the hero, the knight in shining armour. They love loud noises and big things that make loud noises. They need to be men. It is not our place to make them softer, or more understanding, or gentler or generally turn them into wimps. It is our job to let them be men, big strong, smelly men. They need to do men things. Let them.
When a man knows that at home his wife is flourishing at being a wife, then he is so much better able to go out and be the man God created him to be. God created men to be men but also to be satisfied with a woman. When we act as God created us to act and our husbands find in us a safe place then they have no lack. They are content. This does not mean they do not want to grow and make louder noises and bigger bangs but they are not searching elsewhere for satisfaction. They are satisfied at home and in who they are as a man. There is no need for them to search out ill gotten gains.
The desire to provide for his family is God built in a man and we, as women, need to be very careful that we do not exploit and manipulate that need. Men need to care for their families and do desire to make their wives happy. If only the most expensive dresses, the most expensive furnishings and extravagant holidays make you happy then you need to be careful. Many men fall prey to this manipulation and spend more than they have in an attempt to keep the peace at home and to make their wives happy. This leads to financial pressure which is a huge stressor for a man and the spiral from there is only downwards. Do not manipulate the God built needs in your husband to get what you want. We are a gift from God to our husbands, not the other way around. We are there as his help meet and not the other way around.